And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
