Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
