You just made me feel so damn special
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
