He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
