This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
