What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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