i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
