Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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