Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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