i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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