Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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