brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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