Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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