Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
