It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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