drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
