Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sober January is a disaster.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
