Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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