Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
