final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
