You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
