i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
