There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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