nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
