its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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