I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he thought i was a dude.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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