Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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