She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
