I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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