I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we should paint friendship bongs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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