she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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