Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize