I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My feet surprised me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
