Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
