i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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