I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
