If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
