i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
