just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
