guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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