I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
