when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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