Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Text me some of your sweat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
