she smelled like a LAN party
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
