I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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