I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
