Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
