im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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