Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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