I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
