This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
