youre lurking in front of me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
