why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
