Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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