Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
