I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
