it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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