I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I touched a dick in church today
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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