If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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