Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
