The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
