I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
