Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
