wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
