just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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