are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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