is your mom at the bar?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
