i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
