I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
