she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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