Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
